I forgot to add a couple of things to my last post.
I am now sleeping too much. About 11 hours a day. This is always a precursor to my mood dipping. Sure enough, I don’t feel too good.
I’ve lost interest in all my hobbies and pastimes. I haven’t been going out. The last time I was out which was about a week ago, I met an acquaintance who asked about my mood. I said I was OK just now and he replied “Can’t you just snap out of it?”. This was really helpful. It cheered me up and renewed my belief in humanity’s compassion. What an arse.
Well I guess it was inevitable. After all my high jinks I have come back down to earth. I am now feeling a bit below par. No big deal, I am just feeling a bit low. Not making any music. Not really doing anything to be honest. Spent the last few days lying along the couch wrapped in a duvet watching TV. Haven’t had a shower or shaved for a couple of days.
The support worker came yesterday to take me out but I really didn’t feel like going out or doing anything. She stayed and chatted for a while then left.
I am still managing to make dinner for my wife coming home every night. She will also be glad to know that I am no longer in spending mode.
I’m sorry for not having anything cheery to say and for being a pain. Hopefully I’ll perk up over the next few days.
Well things seemed to have settled down now in the world of the Stroller. I am now sleeping around 5-6 hours a night and my enthusiasm and energy are waning. My creativity has also dwindled, I am no longer writing songs every day. I’m not flat yet but it is a bummer to come down to earthish.
I have been drinking a bit more now that I have less to occupy my time. I have still been doing a bit of recording but without much gusto. Spending a lot of time listening to music just now. Currently into the prog rock of Alan Parsons from way back in the 70s/80s. I am living in the past (or was that Jethro Tull?). Otherwise I have been surfing the net and reading the mundane slush that is puked up by Facebook. Come to think of it that’s what I’m doing here. I have also been playing a lot of online poker and so far have not run into debt 🙂
The lovely support worker came to see me on Tuesday which was nice. We had arranged for her to take me out to do some photography but the weather was not good. It was a grey, overcast day and the wind was blowing a gale. So we went for a coffee and I did some shopping. As I say it was all very nice but I’m not too sure about wasting her time like this.
Yesterday the Community Psychiatric Nurse visited me at home. She asked how I was and how I was sleeping. I told her it was all good. I’m still taking Temazepam if I can’t get to sleep but am generally getting 5-6 hours of sleep every night. She asked how my last Lithium level was, I told her I didn’t know. Why didn’t I phone the medical centre and find out? I explained how the receptionist had been so rude and obstructive the last time I phoned and I was not prepared to be humiliated again. She said she would investigate and get back to me. Sure enough she phoned today to say my blood Lithium level was 0.72 mmol/L which is ideal.
So it seems I’m on the straight and narrow just now. I’m not too happy about coming back to earth but thank God I’m not on a downer.
Sheesh! I’ve forgotten all about writing this blog. Well never mind I’m here now. So what have I been up to?
Well I have been far too busy at night to be taking any Temazepam, so they have fallen by the wayside. Instead I have been up all hours in front of the computer screen, more often than not playing poker but sometimes actually making music. The music is crap but it gives me something to do. I am unable to get any ideas to come together into any semblance of normality so have put my own music aside and started to jot down some cover versions. They are very poor imitations of life as we know it but there you are. I shall post one at the end of this post. Oops, I’ve just discovered that I cannot post a video into WordPress. I shall have to work on this problem.
My life has been otherwise quiet. My best friend who is retired usually takes me out of an afternoon for a walk or a drive somewhere scenic to take photographs. Fortunately or unfortunately he has struck up a relationship and now has a girlfriend and this is keeping him busy, eating up all the time he used to spend with me. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit jealous.
But my needs pale into insignificance compared to my other friend who is undergoing radiotherapy at the moment. I went with him to his appointment today. It was a three hour round trip but hopefully my company kept him distracted for a while. I can be incredibly boring for most folks taste but at least it saves from drawing power from the battery for the radio.
I’ve just realised the title of this post means nothing without my recording of the Delfonics song attached. Oh well, you’ll just have to be confused.
Well I reluctantly took my Temazepam 20mg as prescribed and Hey Presto! I slept for six hours. What a night! However I had to make up for lost time and immersed myself in my little studio for most of the day. I have since continued to take the Temazepam at night and am getting around six hours sleep a night. It is a good, deep, refreshing sleep and I wake feeling marvellous in the mornings. So all is well in the land of nod and my keepers are happy.
Yesterday I had my first meeting with my new support worker. I was a bit tentative about it but I needn’t have been. She is absolutely lovely; very calm and relaxed, extremely talkative and quickly puts me at ease. We went to the supermarket cafe for coffee and a chat. We spoke about what I would like to do during my sessions with her and I decided that I would like to go out and take some photographs. I love photography and as I don’t like driving anymore it would be great to have a chauffeuse to take me around the local beauty spots. She said she was happy to do this so hip, hip, hooray! I’m not sure whether to post any pictures on here as I did that in a previous blog and was quickly identified by local people. But I’ll think about it as I am fairly level headed just now and have not revealed anything of any significance.
Today I was at the health centre to have my bloods taken yet again for Lithium levels and renal function. I have terrible veins and nurses are unable to draw blood from my arms and have to use my hands. Today I was jagged in both hands until I finally gave up some blood. I now have bilateral elastoplasts on the back of my hands. I feel like Jesus Christ with the stigmata.
So we headed up to the city for a couple of days. We had a great day at the museum, laughed for hours at the exhibits and our very poor pronunciations of their names. Later my wife spent a couple of hours in the hotel swimming pool while I was glued to my phone playing blackjack, honing my skills for the night ahead.
In the evening we had dinner at the casino before heading to the blackjack table. It was great fun and at the end of the night we had just about broke even.
In the morning we went shopping in town. Well I say “we”, I do if course mean my wife, who obviously found it essential to but yet another pair of shoes.
Oh I nearly forgot to say, the community psychiatric nurse called in the other day and was concerned that I am still not sleeping. So she arranged for me to be prescribed 20mg Temazepam at night for a fortnight. So I’ll have less time for writing music and more time for Bo Bos.
Oh I also forgot to tell you about the Lithium caper. Earlier this week I had my bloods checked again for my Lithium level. Well the on-call doctor from the health centre called to say she was a bit concerned that it was still too high at 1.05 and she asked me to reduce my evening dose from 600mg to 400mg. So I thought fine, I’ll cut it back. Well when the CPN heard about this she didn’t seem too pleased and said she would discuss it with my psychiatrist. She phoned later in the day to say the shrink thought this change in meds by the GP was “unusual” but I could keep to the reduced dose at the moment. I got the impression the shrink was quite put out by someone treading on her toes. It made me feel a wee bit awkward on the phone but what’s a guy to do? It’s up to the professionals to get their act together, I am merely the guinea pig.
Anyway, I got my prescription this morning so it should be sweet dreams tonight.
I’ve been busy trying to write songs all day but have mostly been grappling with my music software trying to make it behave gggggrrrrrr! I continue to have lots of ideas but am having difficulty pulling it all together. If only I had a producer and an engineer…. oh and a five piece band to accompany moi 🙂
It’s 2:30am but I am completely buzzing and sleep eludes me. The only reason I am writing on here is because I am bored and desperate for something to do. It’s too late to make music. Doh! What’s a guy to do? Not this I fear.
We are on holiday now but unfortunately there are no flights for us to fly away on. Sadly my plans for Vegas have been scuppered. However we have arranged a night in the city this week and are going to the casino to play poker. Hip hip hooray! Let the money flow!
This is just a wee reminder for myself for future reference. Current psyche medication is…